


hero

by kirakirakirari



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, mention of wars, non-linear timeline, rambling at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 01:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3362510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirakirakirari/pseuds/kirakirakirari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Being a hero meant putting the needs of others before your own. Being a hero meant sacrifice."</p><p>- The End of Infinity (A Jack Blank Adventure 3), Matt Myklusch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hero

**Author's Note:**

> my brain is damaged.

As he watches the sky, America dreams of saving the world.

(except it doesn't need saving)

* * *

"You're breaking yourself."

Pause. Hesitate. Stop.

"You're killing yourself."

Breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

"You're lying to yourself."

Tremble. Shiver. Shake.

"You hate yourself."

A voice sounds so much like his own, a vice grip grabs his shoulder, and he's looking at his own eyes, darker than the deepest ocean.

Shatter.

* * *

America is attending a funeral. People clad in black clothing, heads bow low, disbelief and horror and real, true grief churning behind every sets of eyes. Tears like the ocean, never ending, never slowing. Even the sky is crying. Rain is like a cruel reminder that even in tragedy, the world keeps on turning and spinning, oblivious to the suffering of mankind. But then, only human can cause suffering. He has witnessed many funerals, it shouldn't have been odd, but it is anyway. He feels it weird because when the dead are buried, human will surely move on, but they – the nations – don't. He watches as Vietnam stand wordlessly in front of her president's grave, he's sure that she isn't listening to those speeches, to people waxing poetic about her boss. She stands as a mother who has lost her beloved child, a person who has lost their friend, and keeps silent because she knows the dead can't listen.

America turns his head away.

Their life lasts eternity, so do tragedies.

* * *

There is one citizen in his country that reminds him so much of Vietnam, he wonders if she is a child of who has immigrates to his country in the war. He doesn't remember her name, but he does know she works in kindergarten and decides to name her The Teacher, reading stories to the children, the tales of heroes who sweep in and save the day. America thinks he was like those children once, all excited and happy to hear about them, and England would smile patiently at this and tell him to go to bed with a promise of reading more if he was a good boy. ("A hero is always a good boy," England said, and America believed.) But there is no stories that describe the heroes' life after defeating the enemy, just their happy ever after like with some sorts of princesses or beautiful ladies (then again, most of the heroes in Greek Mythology ended up with tragic endings.) – but what are those actually for? The films don't really help, either, because all of them are about a man in cape who fight bad guys and always win. (For some reasons, the bad guy in his head is never entirely visible, sometimes he thinks that guy is Russia, sometimes he sees his own reflection.)

("Fighting the evil and always winning?" China has laughed at him. "To become the world savior? No, all you get is endless loneliness."

"It's freedom. Limitless freedom." America says, and China snorts.

"Whatever you say, you handsome country.")

Happy ever after isn't the life for hero, he thinks, it's for the ones who are saved, the ones the heroes are willing to sacrifice themselves because no happiness can penetrate a darkness as deep as the despair within their hearts.

Being heroes mean sacrificing.

(and heroes are tragedies in the making.)

* * *

After every war, he has gone to many funerals and watches with weary happiness and wistful sigh as he watches those funerals slowly turn into weddings, those weddings turn into giving birth. It always bring joy when he watches another life has come to the world and he will do his best to ensure them a bright future. More sacrifice, a voice in his head whispers, and it's what hero do. Even though some of them are called the children of war heroes, have to burden the past, he works to give them the best. He's comforted the wound, has healed the sick, has dried both tears of happiness and sadness. He has done many things to feel happy, and he does. (Except it isn't happiness itself. Nations who have live too long have forgotten what it is.) He tries his best to be enveloped in happiness as his people, and during the days he's done a quite good job, but in the night, not so easy. He lives in an empty house, Tony is always under the basement and America, for once, doesn't think the alien can quite understand those feeling, so he never calls. He wakes long before the sun and sits in the chair near the window with a cup of black coffee. He finds a mute joy in watching the sun rise and paint over the horizon in hues of red and gold and cast it lights on the green of grass and leaves. He'll go working after breakfast, and when he doesn't have to work, he thinks he's lost his sense of time. Sometimes he wakes up in the dead of night talks out loud about meaningless things – just to make sure that he isn't numb and has lost the ability to act. If England sees America like that, he will no doubt laugh at him before going into a full parent mode and says that America is lonely, that America is still a boy.

England, he thinks, must know how alone it is to be at the top of the world. He never lets America know the middle, only lets him feel the extremes. Growing up America has been either adored or hated completely, no steady presence, no one to ground him back to reality.

("It's no your war." Sometimes he can hear Vietnam's voice in his head, or is it Korea's? "You of all people should know what it's like to fight against yourself. Do not interfere. You're no hero in this war."

"Stop being naïve." And that is clearly Russia's voice.

Another war. Another conflict.

"There is no such thing as honorable war." His voice.)

It doesn't mean Tony knows nothing, though, because he calls Canada and America is too shocked to say anything as the damn polar bear attacks him.

He tells Canada to come back and his brother fixes him with a cold gaze, violet eyes flash and bright:

"What kind of brother am I if I just leave you there? I will not try to fix you or help you get over it, because it's your business. It's just, Al, you must know I'll always be there."

It's a beat of silence before America offers Canada a smile and says: "Make sure your pet won't bite my head off, bro. The hero is too brilliant to die."

"Please, Al."

* * *

He usually comes to the kindergarten to hear The Teacher tell her kids the tales about heroes, with the understanding of how those stories end the way they do. They are meant to inspire hope that the good always win over the bad and with enough imagination one can picture a happy ever after. No one, especially children, wants to know about a hero who feels burdened and scarred and afraid of himself, wants to think their heroes as human with blood and flesh (he is human, America likes to think, not entirely, but human nonetheless.). No one wants to think their heroes are just like themselves, easily tired and weary and with the constant thought of giving up.

It's such a simple fact that no one wants to mention. They want to say that hopes are always present. There will come a time when a new hero is born and needed and he will have to bear that ungodly weight on his shoulder without being able to say anything. And when he finishes the task, he'll never be able to live the same life as before and settle themselves down with watching life from the shadow. They never say anything, because being heroes means sacrificing and not getting nothing in return. Those heroes, America know, do not get their happy endings.

But -

They're still alive.

Everyone loves them and as hard as it is, the hero will slowly learn to love them back.

It takes time, but it's worth in the end.

Because what does a hero sacrifice for but a better world, a better future?

* * *

Never lose hope.


End file.
